The Journey Begins
My inner journey began in the aftermath of grief and illness. In December, 1994, my mother was diagnosed with ALS, a fatal illness, which struck her quickly. We cared for her for five months, until she died. During those months, I was completely involved with her care. It was one of those assignments in life that we are given. I was to be there for her during this ordeal, and I was given strength to do so. Yet during those months, my own health started to take some odd turns. I developed vertigo, and would at times suddenly feel extremely weak and disoriented. But the vertigo would pass and so did the weakness. While she was sick, I turned 40, the same age my father had been when he died in 1968. Mom died in May of 1995.
In the fall of 1995, the effects of the stress, anxiety and grief finally caught up with me. Just before Christmas, I was taken from work by ambulance to the hospital. My immune system collapsed and I developed hypoglycemia, sinusitis, bronchitis, depression and anxiety attacks. For the next months I was at the mercy of my body and mind. There were times when I was unable to leave the house. I lost 20 pounds, and was pale and withered-looking. I was terrified of what was happening, and afraid I was going to die. But something in me didn't want to die. It wanted to live, and I became determined to heal.
I sought help for the anxiety attacks, and using meditation, relaxation, and working to change how I thought, I overcame the attacks. Through changing my diet, adding vitamins and other supplements, I slowly built my immune system back up. When I was able, I began to exercise to regain my strength. There were days when I wanted to give up, then a day would come when I felt stronger, and the dizziness and feelings of unreality were not as great, and I would regain hope that I was on the right track. I fought through the depression and regained interest in life.
The real change came while visiting a friend. She recommended a book to me, and in fact, called the bookstore, reserved a copy, and sent me off to get it. The book was Women Who Run with the Wolves. She said the book might show me that what had happened to me was part of a process, and she was right. I began to discover my true inner self. Other books, other ideas, and a consciousness of my own soul started to come to me. I realized that people were in my life, precisely when I needed them, to point me on a new path. They were my teachers, my healers. I also realized that what had happened to me, while shattering at the time, was the ending of my former life so that a new one could take its place.
The path I follow now continues to teach me, to stretch me with new ideas. My inner life has truly come to life. I see with new eyes, hear with new ears, and see things I have never seen before. My soul is flowering, creating a meaningful life, and the possibilities for growth of my spirit are limitless.
It is these experiences of being awake, alive, and in conscious contact with who I am truly meant to be, that have prompted me to create this page. Here I chronicle challenges facing us all, and tell you how I handle them. I believe in sharing the things that work in my own growth, so that others can duplicate my results. That is how I continue to learn and grow -- using the experience of others to flatten the learning curve as I seek my own answers.
[Home]