After 16 years, seeing my exhusband should not have affected me as it did. I was fine at the time. Two days later, as always seems to happen, I was crying for him on my way to work. I asked myself, through the tears, what more I could possibly do to end this connection? The answer came that night when I sat down to meditate. It was a simple thought. A connecting of the dots -- part from Caroline Myss, part from my Reiki training. "Go back to the past and heal that relationship."
I asked the Reiki guides to aid me for my highest healing. When the energy was with me, and the preparations were made, I felt a part of my spirit ascend on the Reiki energy and head back toward the past. I left it up to that spirit to choose the place, and it took me unerringly back to the last day I lived with him.
I saw myself sitting on the couch, as I had that day. Wanting to talk to him. Desperate for something to happen. Knowing something would. He was sitting just outside, as he had that day, sighing, as he had that day. This had gone on for what seemed like hours. We had lost the ability to communicate, to talk. Had we ever really had that?
Gently my spirit from the present approached the part of me that still sat in the past. Taking her hands it began to talk, to tell her it was time to come back to me. She resisted, not wanting to go. She felt so guilty for this failed marriage. He was a good man. The problems were not that serious that they could not be worked out. The present spirit told her she had to accept that this was true enough, but reality was that it did not work out. Where her body now was, 16 years in the future, they were divorced. Had been for a very long time.
Still she resisted. Then the present spirit told her that she had done her best in this lifetime with him. It was not meant to be. Perhaps in the next life she would be able to have a relationship with him that would last. But not in this lifetime. It was over.
The two spirits moved outside, past the man who sat in misery. She felt a rush of forgiveness and love as she realized the present spirit was right. Much as she had wished, it was not meant to be. Not this time. She looked back a final time with regret, but allowed herself to be drawn away. As they ascended together on the Reiki energy, the present spirit called all the remaining energy that belonged to me to come with them. Showers and whirls of blue light swooped out the door, through the cracks, up from the gardens -- all the places I had touched. When all was gathered, held tightly to the present spirit, they returned to me.
The energy that had been trapped in the past is with me now. It is excited at discovering that I have made a good life for us without him. I feel it whirling from one spot to the other within me, within my home. Like a child returned to her mother after a long separation, this lost part of me rejoices. And so do I.
Copyright 1998