Two days of lower body and one of upper body workouts this week. I tried the standing calf machine and it hurt my shoulders, so I am doing one-legged calf raises with dumb bells that I really like and that really stretch the legs.
I'd like to see the fat melting away already, but have to be patient. I do feel a difference in my body, in that it feels a bit tighter already. I know my relationship with it is changing as I eat well and taken better care of myself. My self-esteem is going up because of this positive path I am on. There are definitely mental rewards as well as physical.
I am also very conscious of the bodies of others. I find my eyes drawn to upper arms, middles, and thighs -- the favorite place for fat to accumulate. I know what it took for me to become willing to do this, and I hope others will one day do the same. We are taught to eat so poorly by the mass media and popular culture. Most foods are drenched in fat, nutrients cooked out of them, and charged with sugar and salt. We are taught to crave these tastes, to associate them with feeling satisfied, and to feel deprived if the foods we eat taste different. Well, nobody ever got fit eating fast food!
On aerobics day, when I am breathing deeply, I am very grateful that I quit smoking in February. I admit to hanging onto that habit for far too long. It was the hardest habit to gear up to break of any I have tackled. I still have moments of wistfully thinking that it would be nice to light up. I don't miss the poison, but I do miss the personal rituals and the social aspects of smoking.
I told my friends, including a 100 person email list I am on, and hundreds of subscribers to a daily meditation I used to write, about my 12 week challenge. I've gotten some great notes of support. I also sense an even larger feeling of distance from many people. Those who cannot support me in my efforts are those who know they should be doing the same thing. I understand that, as I never wanted to hear about good things that others were doing when I was stuck firmly in doing the bad stuff. I never wanted to hear ex-smokers talk about how great they felt when I had a pack in my purse.
I have a small group of supporters, but the primary motivation must come from within myself. I am as committed today as I was on July 19. Bill Philips says that "...having a healthy body and letting it decay, having the ability to execise and not doing it, is like having 20/20 vision and never opening your eyes". I do not want to ever regret that I didn't give myself my best possible body.
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